Who has been following me for a while probably knows about my situation of "happy unemployed”. For those who are new here, they can find in my previous posts the reason of my happiness, first because I can now do what I want (here), and second because I've been strong and brave enough to get out from some “dirty games” in which they wanted me accomplice and partner (here). Officially I'm unemployed since late September (2012) , even though I was left home from April 30 2011. Nine months in total.
To be honest, the situation now starts to be harder and harder, but only from the economic point of view, since — for the last four months - I‘m getting about 60% less than I was used to. And, unfortunately, being myself part of the population which produce and consume, I now find myself facing those duties I have accumulated towards this society, which always turn out in bills to pay: the house mortgage, the insurance, the car to keep, and so on; and so, I start to see on the horizon the ghosts of the economical problem I could face one day not that far away, and I look at these bills as chains I can’t longer break. For some time already, I have reviewed my daily economy, cutting off everything that is not indispensable: I can’t remember when I bought any new clothes; I’m not going out with friends anymore; I only drive when I really need to do it; I’m not being back in Rome for almost a year…and so on.
Yet I ask myself: Did I ever regret, even for just a moment, my previous job and the (good) salary that it gave me? Not at all. Not even a single time I found myself squirming on the past, cursing the day I was fired. Rather: that day came out with a smile on my face, and that smile it’s still there, and it's difficult to take it away from me. I think about that day as the achieving of what I had been waiting for, as an important step that has allowed me to redesign the values of things and my life.
Yes, because if it’s true I was working and earning good, it’s also true I was stressed and I was taking home with me that F work, still facing it in sleepless nights and anxious weekend. I was dissatisfied, frustrated, and spending/wasting money was the only way out in my try and need to fight the imbalance that work created in my life. And yet most people was telling me to be thankful to have such a job, and so the money, which allowed me to have a dinner at the restaurant, a new dress, weekend out in clubs.. .
And I just think, instead, how much time I wasted for not having made that choice before! Why? Because I see things differently now.
In the last nine months I have surely gained time and health, and all those things I did not have time to do before. I have walked over 1100 km in the Swedish wilderness, discovering lovely places and writing important notes and pages, both on paper and on the wall of my soul. I spent a month of holidays, quiet and relaxed, in the place I consider mostly as home. I learned a new language, I went back to school, I have new contacts, made new acquaintances. I have faced examinations, interviews, meetings from which I came out stronger and motivated. I have more time for myself and for doing what I would like to do “when I will be old”, become a writer. Lately I'm renovating my home learning a new job and skills. In a nutshell I'm doing experiences, I'm facing my life in a different way trying to be not driven just by timetables and/or money.
Of course, I'll have to go back to work one day, because without money and just with the ideals it difficult to escape this cage the society has build around us. But I will come back with a different approach, and above all with less desire to run and lose everything else only because of work and the money…