If everyone had at least a little, it would be a better world.
A few days ago, while accompanying a guest on one of my tours, we found this little bat caught in a nylon string hanging from a tree.
Some called it the drug of the new millennium, someone else a weapon of mass destruction. In any case, the advent of social media has had, is having and will have a great impact on people’s lives and even influence it and condition it. (actually has already done so!)
And all done ad hoc, carefully planned…
When at the beginning of 2017 I was fighting my depression, deliberately without the use of antidepressants, I was seeking, anyway, help from a psychologist. During a session, to make me understand that my illness was mostly a mental cage, he let me do an experiment: he asked me to close my eyes, relax and imagine an object belonging to me, better if from the past.
Yesterday I was surprised by a thunderstorm, so strong and sudden that I had to pull over.
I stopped in the car, turned off the radio, and enjoyed the sound of the rain jumping on the cockpit, the heavy showers driven by the wind, the echo of thunders.
Then, as quickly as it had arrived, it passed by, the rain diminished until it suddenly stopped, while a ray of sunshine already broke the darkness.
Although I’ve always been in love with Nature, I must admit that the passion for birdlife, and birds of prey in particular, is quite recent.
The other day, while I was sitting outside in the city, I saw a hawk fly over me; it often happens that I see kites or buzzards flying above the center of Malmö; now I drive and from the cockpit I can easily spot the birds all around me.
After “just” 1550 km (of the 3500 planned), after only 52 days instead of 120, after 50000 m of altitude difference, exactly one year ago I ended up my biggest adventure: Wandering Italia.
To remember it, I chose this photo of Lake Chiaretto that, on the last day coming down from Monviso, it showed itself in the shape of a heart, a turquoise jewel set in a dream landscape.
Probably many of you have read the story of the capital of 86400 euros that the bank credits every day to your account; if you haven’t, you can find it here.
I thought about the value of time and this story by reading an interesting article by Andrea , unfortunately in Italian, that I thank for giving me the opportunity to write this article.
“What everybody echoes or in silence passes by as true today may turn out to be falsehood tomorrow”
(Henry David Thoreau)
When I decided to change my life first, and then face Wandering Italia, I decided to stay away as much as possible from the people who could have hindered me, slowed me down and demoralised me.
Exactly one year ago I begun to face my biggest adventure: Wandering Italia.
After exactly one year, I now realise how it has changed me, deeply, and not just because of the fabulous memories I had from it, for all the wonderful people I met and the fantastic places I’ve crossed and enjoyed. No, Wandering Italia changed me inside, it definitely made me stronger, it increased my self-esteem and made me more mature.
“Ten days free of any time constraints and duties.
Ten days in which I enjoyed my time and myself, finding an inner peace and, more importantly, the desire to live all that surrounds me. I wrote it a while ago: the work emptied me, erased my emotions, mede me stressed and nervous for all the same kind of days, passed by without “feeling”, without living: days, months and years chasing and waiting for something, just for the safety to put away some money waiting to live in the future.
I woke up late this morning: I forgot to set the alarm and I slept some hours more than usual.
I woke up happy, anyway, and rested (probably I needed it) and I replanned my day: no training today, maybe I will catch up tomorrow; and maybe I will walk to work so I can still do some km.
So, shorting the way to don’t waste other time, I realised I was walking the same road as when I was going to work. And, as if I “had” to walk there, I realised I left there some of my thoughts and maybe it was time to come back to pick them up.
A year ago I wrote on my journal:
“The bomb blasted at work! At home early – stress – union…It’s the turning point!”
A year ago it happened what brought me to take a radical, drastic and, for many people, irresponsible decision: to leave my job to get out from that cage I was dying in, and take my life back!
Things weren’t going well for long time already, actually were going pretty bad: I was sleeping shortly and badly because of nightmares, and during the nights I was waking up all the time thinking about work and stressing tasks to do; even during weekends or evenings with my family my mood could rapidly flip because, don’t know why, my mind suddenly could “bring me back” to my office, to my asshole colleague, to my hated boss.
Growing up, moving on my way, I started to believe, more and more, that solving our problems, overcoming difficulties, is much easier than what we believe.
Yet, when I was down, when I went through dark times, I could not remember how to feel good again, how to find the light again.
I’ve just arrived at work, as usual I’m the first.
Sunny day, the morning jogging has brought me back to life: I’m feeling energetic, happy, in a fantastic mental and physical condition.
After few hours I’m starting to feel my happiness going down: the work environment, as a vampire, sucks the joy out of me.
I’ve always had a twisted relationship with the working life, which means I have not still been able to understand how much this affects the private life and vice versa.
Until not long time ago, I was always complaining about how my work was destroying completely my inspiration and, above all, removing any will to do things: I was doing my duty as a good citizen, but I was letting the life slide on me, just looking forward to the weekends or holidays.
We are postponing things too often.
“Let’s do it tomorrow, or this the weekend, or next month…”
And then, when December is approaching, we will start to postpone it to the beginning of the new year.
As if postponing things will bring an improvement or maybe a magic that will make them easier.
Until not long time ago I was self-defeating, limiting myself.
I unconsciously restricted the flow of life to me and, passively, I was letting it slide away fast. Without doing anything, apathetic and numb in the nothingness of many days which looked all the same.
I could see only many different problems and, above all, I believed it was impossible to solve them, and that I could never find my way out.
So, slowly, I had touched the bottom and it seemed that I had decided to stay there for a while.
Some time ago I wrote about the path we can follow to reach happiness, inner peace, or, anyhow, a more serene life.
Actually, I was talking about working on ourselves, and how, if done well, it becomes enjoyable, and can bring the first small, great, satisfying results.
But it’s a continuous job, without any rest, because it’s about changing our ideas and beliefs, controlling our thoughts, trying to aim them to our target, trying to tune onto a “positive wavelength”.
Last weekend I was in Warsaw, Poland.
I landed shortly after midnight at an unknown and empty airport. I took the first taxi which, shortly after, left me in a suburban, deserted, cold road.
I hesitated for five minutes, feeling stuck there, my briefcase in my hand, wondering what the hell I was doing in that place. Then the person who drew me on this trip came, and brought me to a birthday party where I met about fifty people I had never seen in my life.
Lately I’ve been taking some time for myself, to remake order and change my life, or at least the vision of it: I wrote new pages of the instruction to my book and I reviewed and completed already written parts.
I believe everyone can develop and find his own way to change his life, to get what he wants, to get the most out of it, so I stopped writing the blog and started instead to dedicate more time to write and find what I really want, what I could do to get out of a situation of dissatisfaction.
I must have had a bad dream last night and I woke up with an unpleasant and strange mood.
In the silence of the early dawn, while I’m enjoying the first cigarette of the day, I remember part of the dream: someone I know, but I can not remember who, tells me “your eyes look really tired … you have really tired eyes …”.
Out of the shower, I’m staring at myself in the mirror.
Eh, I think, my eyes look really tired…and these big and deep dark circles under them…
…I’m smoking another cigarette, and I’ve already lost the count for today.
It’s another wonderful day, not a cloud, temperatures between 10 and 15 degrees, and a sky so deep blue that makes you want to go…
And I think I’m wasting time locked in my job cage, especially when there is little or nothing to do, and time goes slowly while bored on Instagram, Facebook, and so on.
And smoking, of course.
Time flies fast and relentless.
I realised it by looking at the statistics of this site and seeing how little I wrote in the last few months.
I realise it now, thinking it’s already Tuesday, and this week, like the previous one, is just flying away.
It seems like a full life, but I can not accept and cannot perceive any positive vibrations from this optimistic view of the working week.
“I wanted to win the world championship,
.. and instead I find myself here shopping” is a quote from a song of Alex Britti that struck me a lot when I listened it for the first time.
I played it again yesterday, by accident, and it inevitably led me to think of those dreams of mine I had, and to confront myself with how many of them I fulfilled and how many I had to dismiss during my journey.
A few days ago I read that in Sweden we have reached the amount of 400,000 unemployed which is a remarkable and worrying percentage on a population of about ten million people.
I myself have been in that situation and I know what it means to look for work, knocking at all the doors, not receiving any answers or even being shout out in a bad way.
Yet, just after 5 months, I got different and interesting possibilities.
Luck? Maybe, but I don’t think so…
Leaving, traveling…getting lost!
Between unknown roads
And already caressed thoughts…
I’ve always been a wanderer, an adventurer in exploring and finding always new places: just let’s go, I’ll decide where later on…
When I was three, some old ladies found me walking in the middle of the village where we were spending the holidays; at the time of elementary and middle school, when we were spending Sundays with families outside the city, I always forced my friends to stop playing football to go hiking in the woods or surrounding hills instead.
Who has been following me for a while probably knows about my situation of “happy unemployed”.
For those who are new here, they can find in my previous posts the reason of my happiness, first because I can now do what I want (here), and second because I’ve been strong and brave enough to get out from some “dirty games” in which they wanted me accomplice and partner (here).
“This is living” was the masterful advertising of the latest video-games console.
Was that the real life? Was that the perception of living for millions of people, and not only kids or teenagers, happy to rush home, and close themselves in, just to play and join a virtual life?
Was it living to give up the real life, the real world, and spend instead time in front of a screen to fight, kill, drive, fuck?
Some days ago I met an old colleague of mine.
As often happens, having not shared anything else in life than working time from 8am to 4pm, we ended up immediately talking about work and the company from where I decided to get fired (as I will explain later).
The legs are struggling while I’m going uphill, but they know the way.
The muscles harden more and more but they will resist.
Short breath, crazy heartbeat, the altitude starts to make me feel sick.
There could be a thousand excuses, a thousand reasons to stop and go back, down to the valley, but I chose my destination and nothing can stop me now
A little bit more, I hold on.
The last effort and behind that pass I’ll be there.
He was locked in his hotel room on the thirteenth floor.
The wide open windows let come in hot, suffocating air. A grey sky, as homogeneous and heavy layer over the city, made the whole situation even more overwhelming.
The constant noise of the aeration systems came up from the bottom of the inner courtyard.
Soon a constant and depressing drizzle would begin and last forever.
The television in the background showed just another talk-show. The phone switched off, the full ashtray on the window sill.
We spend time trying to kill the time, this is the point.
After the years and all those stages imposed by the society and the family, we find ourselves in our 20s or 30s, already addicted and swallowed by the working life. We take our first responsibilities, our duties as a good citizen, and we find ourselves almost unconscious, tied up and involved with the system, the community, and the institutions around us (the same things we might have tried to fight or to evade just a few years before …).
I let my life slide faraway from me.
The world we know, and in which we are forced to live, runs on a highway just few hundreds meter away. Here comes the echo of fast cars and slow trucks sloping uphill, while I’m imagine the clock ticking, stressing that kind of life.
The only we know, perhaps, the only we are used to and so, in a way, submitted to.
I’m just a few feet away from all those noises, the hurry, the busy living, and yet I feel so distant …
A few years ago, during the lunch break, I was talking to a colleague, mostly complaining about our job. As often happens in workplaces, where one feels more as companions of misfortune than just colleagues, we were deploring our job and, in particular, our salary that was always too low compared to the amount of duties and responsibilities we had.
I often think about the endless landscapes of Argentinean Patagonia.
I do not need to look at the thousands of photos that I took then, I carry these landscapes inside me and often they pop-up in front of my eyes, as a slow slide show, on the music of my melancholy.
And I think…
I think about the vastness, the immensity, and a boundless nature so difficult to imagine and believe real.