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The Possibility to Choose

I woke up late this morning: I forgot to set the alarm and I slept some hours more than usual.

I woke up happy, anyway, and rested (probably I needed it) and I replanned my day: no training today, maybe I will catch up tomorrow; and maybe I will walk to work so I can still do some km.

So, shorting the way to don’t waste other time, I realised I was walking the same road as when I was going to work. And, as if I “had” to walk there, I realised I left there some of my thoughts and maybe it was time to come back to pick them up.

The Truth is in Front of Us and We Don’t See It

Growing up, moving on my way, I started to believe, more and more, that solving our problems, overcoming difficulties, is much easier than what we believe.

Yet, when I was down, when I went through dark times, I could not remember how to feel good again, how to find the light again.

New Horizons

I’ve just arrived at work, as usual I’m the first.

Sunny day, the morning jogging has brought me back to life: I’m feeling energetic, happy, in a fantastic mental and physical condition.

After few hours I’m starting to feel my happiness going down: the work environment, as a vampire, sucks the joy out of me.

Sorry My Ass

Some time ago I wrote about the path we can follow to reach happiness, inner peace, or, anyhow, a more serene life.
Actually, I was talking about working on ourselves, and how, if done well, it becomes enjoyable, and can bring the first small, great, satisfying results.
But it’s a continuous job, without any rest, because it’s about changing our ideas and beliefs, controlling our thoughts, trying to aim them to our target, trying to tune onto a “positive wavelength”.

The Light is Still On

I must have had a bad dream last night and I woke up with an unpleasant and strange mood.

In the silence of the early dawn, while I’m enjoying the first cigarette of the day, I remember part of the dream: someone I know, but I can not remember who, tells me “your eyes look really tired … you have really tired eyes …”.
Out of the shower, I’m staring at myself in the mirror.
Eh, I think, my eyes look really tired…and these big and deep dark circles under them…

And That’s It

…I’m smoking another cigarette, and I’ve already lost the count for today.
It’s another wonderful day, not a cloud, temperatures between 10 and 15 degrees, and a sky so deep blue that makes you want to go…
And I think I’m wasting time locked in my job cage, especially when there is little or nothing to do, and time goes slowly while bored on Instagram, Facebook, and so on.
And smoking, of course.

Lost Time and Not

Time flies fast and relentless.
I realised it by looking at the statistics of this site and seeing how little I wrote in the last few months.
I realise it now, thinking it’s already Tuesday, and this week, like the previous one, is just flying away.
It seems like a full life, but I can not accept and cannot perceive any positive vibrations from this optimistic view of the working week.

I Wanted to Win the World Championship

“I wanted to win the world championship,
.. and instead I find myself here shopping” is a quote from a song of Alex Britti that struck me a lot when I listened it for the first time.
I played it again yesterday, by accident, and it inevitably led me to think of those dreams of mine I had, and to confront myself with how many of them I fulfilled and how many I had to dismiss during my journey.

Grown Up in Lies

We grew up in a world that told us so many, maybe too many lies.
I’m talking about my generation.
I was born in the mid-1970s, but I can not remember them. Instead I remember the 80s as a very happy and wealthy period, growing in a rich and joyful Italy, when everyone could easily achieve their goals and still have so much fun.

Society

“This is living” was the masterful advertising of the latest video-games console.
Was that the real life? Was that the perception of living for millions of people, and not only kids or teenagers, happy to rush home, and close themselves in, just to play and join a virtual life?
Was it living to give up the real life, the real world, and spend instead time in front of a screen to fight, kill, drive, fuck?

Years Won’t Come Back

He got out of one of the bathrooms at the office. Deadened silence and the cold white of the neon-light.

He approached one of the five sinks lined up on the front wall to rinse his hands and face. Perhaps it would help him to finally wake up from his numb.

He looks at himself at the mirror, grinning.

Flashback.

Writing

In the last couple of months, thanks to my situation of being unemployed and thanks to the early arrival of the Scandinavian autumn, I do what I’ve always dreamed of doing: the full time writer.
Daydreaming? A way to deceive myself? Or just doing something to keep myself busy?

And Then?

We spend time trying to kill the time, this is the point.
After the years and all those stages imposed by the society and the family, we find ourselves in our 20s or 30s, already addicted and swallowed by the working life. We take our first responsibilities, our duties as a good citizen, and we find ourselves almost unconscious, tied up and involved with the system, the community, and the institutions around us (the same things we might have tried to fight or to evade just a few years before …).

Money Can’t Buy Happiness

A few years ago, during the lunch break, I was talking to a colleague, mostly complaining about our job. As often happens in workplaces, where one feels more as companions of misfortune than just colleagues, we were deploring our job and, in particular, our salary that was always too low compared to the amount of duties and responsibilities we had.

The Will to Go

I often think about the endless landscapes of Argentinean Patagonia.

I do not need to look at the thousands of photos that I took then, I carry these landscapes inside me and often they pop-up in front of my eyes, as a slow slide show, on the music of my melancholy.

And I think…

I think about the vastness, the immensity, and a boundless nature so difficult to imagine and believe real.

The Work and The Utopia of Doing Nothing

I’ve been working almost 20 years. I did a bit of everything, so many different jobs and only on rare occasions I felt really satisfied and fulfilled (and only for short time).

Most of the time I found myself cursing the job and all the hours I was spending (wasting?) there, in a everlasting countdown waiting for the end of day, the weekend, the holidays…

Like many other people, for what I know by talking with friends and colleagues, I was working there but I was actually dreaming to be somewhere else, mostly just wishing to be home and relax instead.